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Welcome to Home Shalom and Shalom Farm. We pray your visit here be blessed. We are learning to walk in the Ways (Torah) of our Father YHWH and follow Y'shua, His Messiah until He returns to "set things straight". We call it a "Messi-Life". Our walk is neither tidy nor perfect, but it is filled with passion, devotion and desire to serve our King. We are learning to be humble servants, and to be good stewards of the things that He has entrusted to us: His Word, our marriage, our children, our family, our community, our health, and our farm. Hitch your horse and stay a while--our door is always open!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

What is Betrothal? How does it Compare?

Here is a WONDERFUL LINK to a chart which compares Christian Dating, Courtship and Scriptural Betrothal. At the the end of the chart are some questions and answers. It is a wonderful resource that shows the outline given in the culture of Biblical Marriage in the Scriptures.

I would like to point out one thing that may be of concern to my readers. I know it was to me. Do you wonder if betrothal is an ARRANGED MARRIAGE? In all the applications that I have witnessed and as for our house - it is NOT. An Arranged marriage is done soling amongst the father's with no consent to the bride and (often the) groom. That is not what we are promoting here. Here, a young man who is spiritually in step with YHVH (God), he petitions HIM for a bride and waits for the answer (this could happen quickly or take YEARS!). When he is lead to his bride and confirmed in his heart it is whom The Father has for him; he takes this revelation to his own father (and mother). They seek confirmation from YHVH (God) and if they receive it, they bless the son to move forward and petition the maiden's parents. This is done without the young lady's knowledge at first to protect her heart above all. The same process takes place between the young man and maiden's parents. They likely interview the young man intently (or take time to get to know him if they don't already) and seek confirmation for Yah. If this is approved, the parents go to the daughter and bring the request and discussion before her. If she is willing, the same process continues with the maiden and YHVH. She has full rights of refusal - the choice is ultimately hers. She has as much time as she needs. IF she accepts, than maiden's father will contact the young man and they will arrange for them to get together so that he may ask her in person, and a betrothal date is set. The future bride and groom remain in their parents homes until the wedding day. A katubah (marriage contract) is signed at the betrothal and the covenant is made. There are other traditions that usually occur at that ceremony too, it is usually a more private ceremony than the wedding - but not always. Then the bride and groom both prepare for their lives together, in their own ways, until the time of the wedding. The betrothal is a spiritual covenant.

When you have families who have raised their children up in The Scriptures, in Purity, strong family values, in good relationships with one another, and in intimacy with YHVH, of COURSE they hope and pray that their children be married to a spouse with those same values, vision and direction! Divorce is not an option here, so one's marriage choice quickly becomes the most important decision one would make in his or her life. If we are in right standing with our family and Creator - this process is very natural and beautiful. If we have done our job as parents, our children will not view this process as a hindrance, but as a blessing and a gift. They have learned to trust us and Yah (God) knowing we only want the what is best for them and we are willing to go the extra mile to help them. There is trust between the 'children' and parents, trust between children and Yah (God). Through the bound of the The Spirit, trust is also developed between the in-laws as well . The bond that is created in the process between the both families and the new couple is rooted in The Spirit - right from the start. (If Yah be for them who could be against them???) A celebration in the community and the support received to bless this couple is so beautiful. The romance that is cultivated between bride and groom, in between the betrothal and wedding day is Spiritually rooted and so very much more rich and "REAL" than the more shallow effects of dating/courting and mere fleshly attraction. The day of their wedding IS coming and their hearts and minds are set on preparing for their future together. They have full support from parents and siblings through the whole process. It is a beautiful transition of life - unlike any other. The young couple is encouraged, edified and equipped to start their own family. Another generation for The Kingdom is established in love, purity, community, righteousness, kindness, and full support! Its beautiful!

If you have any questions I will do my best to answer them in the comments.


Sigalit Chana said...

Great Post! Thank you for sharing the link for "Dating, Courtship, & Scriptural Betrothal". This has been a topic in our home over the last month... Thanks again =)

Carmen Bruno said...

Shalom Pamela, great chart, can you also pass on the link to the katubah, i'd like to see it close up.

blessings to you and your family.

Mommy Set Free said...

Hi Carmen,
That katubah was just cut and pasted for graphic purposes, and I can not enlarge it big enough to read the text either. But here is a link you might like to explore. http://www.ketubah-gallery.com/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=ketubot&utm_campaign=Ketubah%2B-%2BUSA It is a place that sells katubahs and gives examples of wordings and has many many beautiful designs for sale. It will be a neat place to spring board ideas from. They kind of let you "build your own" there for purchase.

The Katubahs that I have seen have been "home made". They almost always have the SOS 6:3, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine" They are often framed and displayed in the home as well. I would love to do a post on the katubah too (if I can)but this will help others research it some in the mean time - they like.

I think this site is very "telling" as to the modern Jew's perspective and perpensity toward humanism and mixing culture.

Anonymous said...

What do you mean by the website being "telling?"

Stephanie said...

Excellent post and a topic close to our hearts! Our family has wholeheartedly embraced this Biblical concept and are excited to see others doing the same. Thank you for the link!


Mommy Set Free said...

Hi Anonomys,
I hope that my comment does not offend anyone. I re-read it and realized that it very well might - and that was not my intention al all. So I want to ask anyone's forgiveness whom I might have offended by that statement.

What I meant by that was that the site showed so many variations for the wordings of a Katubah to suite the huge variety of beliefs systems present in the Jewish community today. Many of these systems are quite mixed and even void of Torah. Just like in the church, so often traditions are praticed - but the lifestyles are far from the the Biblical Foundation. The variations of the contracts offered on that site show (or tell) that very reality. If that makes sense. I do not presume that there is a "proper way" to word or use a Katubah. It was just an observation in modern culture.

On another note - I try to clarify that a Katubah is a tradition that was started around Yeshua's time if I understand it correctly - so it isn't something that was used back in Avraham's day, or even Moshe's...But it is still a beautiful expression used in marriage process that we appreciate and wanted to share...It represents 'the contract' between YHVH and His promise to His people at the mountain on the orginal Shavuot. It focuses on the preciousness of the covenant of marriage. So we think it is a beautiful tradition to carry on in the model of betrothal in all of His people and why we are sharing it as a possible elements to the process of Betrothal.

suzie20642 said...

I love the idea! My 12 yr old son, doesn't seem quite as fond of the idea, however, but hopefully that will change!

Moira said...

Thank you for this post :) really liked seeing the information on the chart.

Carmen Bruno said...

thank you Pamela for the information, I appreciate it.

blessings to you and your family!