Practicing Restoration and Forgiveness

Time and time again YHVH has shown me that unforgiveness and pride are at the root of most of our troubles! He has walked me through this pattern or healing personally more times that I can count and with others in council. I have had lots of practice...it is how He has helped me process these things. I am not "Mommy Set Free" for nothing... its what He does!

Reconciliation and restoration is the heart of Yahshua's ministry; it is the heart of YHVH!! He has made it very clear to me that lack of forgiveness goes hand and hand with pride. Our relationship with YHVH, friends, family and community are our "practice grounds" to learn this. We are called to get our houses in order. This gets much more complicated as time passes on issues unresolved, but that need for reconciliation only increases. Whenever I run into a relational conflict this is what YHVH has shown me to do:

1. Lay it down. (Ask YHVH for help) He has taught me to decide not to be offended - no pointing figures allowed; no excuses for why I am justified in my anger. He shows me my heart (yuck!). I stop looking at my pain/injury. I stop looking at the other person's wrongs/trespasses. I realize I must FORGIVE what ever it is they have done to me and develop a contrite heart on the matter. If I don't, it will effect my ability to love.... at all. It will effect my relationship with YHVH, my spouse, my children and others whom I have no conflict with at the time...unforgiveness if like a wicked cancer that spreads with a vengeance. (But much more serious!)

2. Take responsibility for things I could have done better. (Restoration from within.) In other words, accept my "fault" in the matter. My mamma used to say " It takes two to tangle." I must ask myself: Was I doing everything I possibly could to ensure peace with that person? Was I considering them as more precious than myself? Did I try to see things from their perspective? Did I take the time to "hear them out fairly"? Was their trespass a result of pressure that I created? Did I allow myself to get offended? Did I loose my temper? Could it have been prevented? If I "can't" HONESTLY do this; and see something I could have done better ..... than it is very likely that I didn't do #1 right and I realize I have to go back to finish #1.

Sometimes, we are victims of something tragic that we truly had no responsibility in. (Adults trespassing against children, crime from strangers, authority abuse of some sort, sexual trespasses, accidental death, etc..) While we may not have been able to prevent these things from happening, all too often in these instances we believe lies related to these events that we must take responsibilities for. The enemy seeds these thoughts in our minds and hearts that must be released. In fact we often take on responsibility that we shouldn't!!! Recognise these as lies of the enemy used to shackle us to a loveless life of victimization...things like "it was my fault" or "only if I had....", etc... We need to go through all 4 steps of forgiveness in these areas as well...just a little differently.

3. Make it right. (Restoration spills out.) This is hardest part for me, because it really is the working out of my pride. This is where the final transformation takes place. This is the place where we truly go to the person with honest repentance, to ask for forgiveness (with NO accusations, or demands or expectations of them to do anything) and start the process of changing our habits which brought us to that place. If the person is receptive, light is often shone into all kinds of things for us both. This is where we really start a new chapter. This is the place few people go!! Not doing this is why hearts and families remain broken. (If I can't do this...I have to go back and repeat #1 and #2 again..until I can, because the whole point of #1 and #2 are to get to the point where we can DO #3 and #4.)

Since this phase involves the other person/people, you must understand that you can not control how the other person initially responds to your reformation... They may break down and repent on the spot and it may turn into a big love/cry fest - OR - they may respond harshly; they may not accept it at first; they may chose to never except it at all. Of course it would be nice if the first result was always the case...and it OFTEN is...however you need to remain in that state of forgiveness and reconciliation - even if THEY DON'T. (Welcome to the high road of the renewed covenant!)

4. Accept forgiveness. (Healing takes place) Sometimes we can be our worst judge. Sometimes we don't think we are able to give or receive forgiveness; as if "we done gone too far".... But that is a lie that we must not embrace. YHVH is in the restoration business and is very willing to forgive a contrite heart. He forgives us; likewise we are to forgive others - for real! By this point you have been set free from this burden. You have done all you can do. You are called to love them anyway. How you interact with them, may very - based on the situation...and it may be a lesson in "loving the unlovable", but love does cover a multitude of sins....and that's OUR job. (If I can not do this; I need to go back #1 again)!

This process I have found be universal. Even if the person whom we need to ask forgiveness from or to forgive, is dead (physically or spiritually). You may not be able to go through the "make it right" step as you would if they were here and accessible...but you can in YOUR Spirit...by confessing it and not repeating it with another person and allowing the healing to take place in you!

I pray that you be equipped and encouraged to be at peace with all people; so that you may be found blameless in His sight and walk in the bountiful blessings of the Kingdom!!

In Him,